December 2nd Ramble.

Hey guys,
This weekend was such a roller coaster?
Like it was great..yet terrible.
I spent the weekend with josh and his fiance, rebecca and that was a load of fun..i actually like her which is surprising. And everything was great until I saw him again last night...it would be the third time. I don't know..it makes me wonder that when he sees me does he ever think to him self that what he did was terribly wrong...or he would probably think..I wonder how screwed up she is?
well let me tell you this...if his goal was to ruin my self esteem and who i am in all...then you succeeded...really really succeeded. I didn't get much sleep ...never really do. I mean.. I don't want to. I loved sleep until I was haunted every night from what happened on August 12 when I was thirteen. So today was a good day until after church...it must be some kind of sign or something because once more I saw the man again. I told myself it wouldn't ruin my day.. I wouldn't let it..it kind of did anyway but seeing the people I care about most tonight..really helped.
I just don't know what to do.
I wish I still had someone to confide in.
Im back to how I was..everything locked up inside..not letting anyone in.
I miss you now more then ever Nathan..and Paige.
I really miss you..
Its times like these you question..
now to only get away.

Mal<3*
fun night guys. thanks for coming. Appreciate it. I'll put the pictures on facebook...sooner then later.