Giving My All Is Never Enough

I hate myself for everything.
I hate that I have to pretend to be happy
and I hate the fact that I need you right now and you're gone.
I hate that I keep giving myself false hope.
I hate that I still here.
I hate that everything keeps getting worse
I hate your attitude.
I also hate how people revolve everything around love. Honestly think about it. You love love love love and everything but you also judge judge judge..what do you love judging to because that would make you a complete jerk. And if you love EVERYTHING then you must love being hated, judged, emotionally hurt. You must love the complete downhills of life and you must love to hurt people because most of the time that's where things end up.
I hate that people look at me different, and that I'm so self conscious.
I hate everything. I just want to leave. I hate that I know my calling and what I'm supposed to do with my life because it's not what I want to do.

I wish I could just die because honestly I'm sick of the false hopes, constant let downs, the endless sleepless nights, the stupid pills, and the nights I cry until I throw up. I hate what I'm doing to myself. I hate the decisions I made.

Most of all I hate that I'm alone.